Already got asked if we're dating
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
