two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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