I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
