Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize