just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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