Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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