of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
