shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She bit a glass in half.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
