3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How does it feel to date your dad?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
