Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
