got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
