Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
