I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
