rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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