Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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