remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
