They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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