Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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