halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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