i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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