She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
