I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
