Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
