is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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