i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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