I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
