OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
