at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Everclear isn't food dammit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
