it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
