why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
