umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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