dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
