This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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