Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
