I am in a vortex of obligation.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
