i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
