It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
