Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
