you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
