god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we made out on top of his cat.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
