You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
