I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
