I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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