That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
