I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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