you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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