Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
