Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she woke up with a sticky ear
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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