Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
