dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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